Wednesday, June 24, 2009


A Tongue and Cheek Suggestion:

For the past two days, the web has been all over the sudden disappearance of Gov. Sanford. Was he hiking The Appalachia? Was he dancing under the Moonbeams of the Summer Solstice? Was he nefariously conspiring with The Venezuelan Dictator? Nah:

Oh well sometimes the answer is a bit more “pedestrian”. But does this mean the end of his political career? Not really. Since he went down on to Argentina, to apparently settle the matter of a conjugal peccadillo, I got the perfect medicine for him.

To rehabilitate his political career and expiate all of his sins, he needs to enter into a crash course in Gardel, as in Carlos Gardel. Most of you have no idea who Carlos Gardel was, but close to 80 years after his death he is still the voice and soul of Argentina – Resting place of his paramorious desires. Whether you are aware of him or not, even in Middle America you have certainly heard him sing at one time or another. He still is THAT big.

He should first start by singing Cuesta Abajo (Downward Slope):

Queue in the Sultry Seductress (at 0:34)

After doing the self-flagellation circuit, and groveling to the American public for forgiveness, he could then change his tune. Volver (To Return):

… If Carlos Gardel seems a bit dated, how about putting Penélope Cruz to good use. She certainly can put a new face to this old song.

We all know how important it is for Republicans to *er* court the Hispanic vote. Finally, in Gov. Sanford the party has found a leader who truly loves Latins (well, at least one, that we know of).

With Volver as his 2012 Presidential Campaign Theme Song, he could certainly mount lock-in the Hispanic Vote.


Thursday, June 18, 2009


We all know what a Sit-in is. Britannica Online defines that peaceful form of social protest as:

a tactic of nonviolent civil disobedience. The demonstrators enter a business or a public place and remain seated until forcibly evicted or until their grievances are answered.

But, what is a Turba? A Turba is not a polite female form of Turbo. It is however, a “Sit-In” on Turbo.

Latin American Communist Agitators everywhere have turned this once peaceful form of social protest, into open harassment, intimidation, and aggression crossing over to open violence. This is how Communists in the Southern part of this Hemisphere hamstring the silent majority into submission and compliance.

But you may ask yourself: What does that have to do with me? Well, get ready. With this new era of Change, Turbas are here to stay. It is now a tactic used in our Campuses, to muffle opposition.

If the word or Mr. Thompson is to be taken at face value, the local chapter of ACORN in Albany, NY, is using this bullying tactic against our lawmakers themselves. In other words, this is nothing but another method in achieving political domination.

Welcome to our new "normal" America. A place where Latin American styled "Turbas", will soon be common place on our soil. Learn its meaning, for Turbas is soon to enter our popular lexicon.


Saturday, June 13, 2009

La Politesse

Ah – La Politesse. You know how annoying the French can be – That je-ne-sais-quoi that gets under your skin and makes you want to drop-kick the French right into a gutter? Well, it doesn’t have to be that way. You just have to learn to love that very Parisian form of social jujitsu: La Politesse.

La Politesse is a tacit code of social conduct which demands politeness in all social situations (well almost). The French use it mostly to genuinely express kindness to others. It is what makes a bustling city like Paris function civilly and with decorum. Without it, Paris would have all the charm of The South Bronx. [Warning: Strong Language] In France a humble: “excusez-moi, madame” will go a long way in winning friends and gaining respect.

La Politesse is also used in situations where every fibre of your being wants to throttle the neck your fellow man, but you don’t. It keeps and resolves confrontations before they turn ugly and violent (for the most part). The French do not like direct confrontation. Instead they prefer to attack the resistance to their problems and issues tangentially; in other words passive-aggressively. They still achieve their goals of smacking some one down, or overcoming a bureaucratic obstacle, but without all the nastiness and overt drama. Because of this the French are masters of irony, sarcasm, and double entendre. Once they break-down the resistance on their opponents, they can then deal directly and frankly with their issues (but always politely). The goal is to win people over to your side, without drawing blood.

On occasion, the French will become violent; but only when their opponent is waaay over bounds: physically violent, or egregiously insulting. They will also escalate to direct confrontation if while being polite, your opponent doesn’t get the point. They will however do so only after a final warning. It may go like: “Monsieur, it would be of bad form if I cast aside mon Politesse, to get my point through to you”. Then and only then if you don’t get the point, you will bring out the old Vercingetorix out of them.

While I do not know the direct sequence of these two pictures, one thing is clear. Both are being VERY aggressive to each other. But because of the skills that "La Politesse" allows you to have, Carla Bruni comes out of that clash smelling like roses. Michelle Obama, on the other hand looks like a stinking fool.

Americans always prefer the direct confrontation to resolve conflicts. But it is very clear by these pictures, that the French indirect approach works best in high visibility situations such as this.

[TINS Alert]
Happy Politesse:
Back in May of ’06 my wife and I went to a seafood restaurant in Paris. As we were leaving, I thanked the Maître d' for an excellent service, and wonderful dinner. Though customary to do in France, this I did with full honesty, and appreciation. This made the Maître d' was glow with pride – the magic of La Politesse at work. As I was about to conclude, this local couple walks into the foyer of the restaurant. The gentleman seizes us up with a flick of the upper lip and scrunch of his nose. He then gruffly demands to the Maître d': “Hey, when are we gonna get service here”?

*What a rude Mudder Fökk’n Apsehole - You don’t treat us like Crotte de Chien.* - I said to my self.

Aggressive Politesse:
Though we weren’t dressed like two Americans out of EuroDisney, my French is heavily accented. It was clear to all, that I wasn’t neither Parisian, nor (perish the thought) French. To the French ear I was probably either from Spain or Italy; though my wife screamed “American” to the trained eye. That rude SOB just thought that he could bully this pair of tourists out of his way

*I will cede this foyer when I’m good and ready*

I then turn my back to the rude bassid, and now obsequiously sucked-up to the Maître d'. I complimented the chef on those fresh water Anchovy Carpaccio Appetizer (they were really stupendous). Both the Maître d' and the rude SOB immediately picked-up on this for what it was: Aggressive Politesse. I thanked him once again, and then turned to the rude couple. The Maître d' now tensed-up a bit, not knowing whether I would turn ugly and rude back to the bassid.

“Madame” I said addressing the lady.
“Monsieur” I now slightly bowed to the rude one.
And with a note of acid sarcasm I said:
“I wish you both a Bon Appétit”.

*ZING – Back at you. And I hope you choke on a bone.*

The Maître d' immediately relaxed, as La Politesse was safeguarded toujours.

As we stepped back into the busy Boulevard, that fish in my belly tasted even better, for this ‘Rican got’s game.


Friday, June 12, 2009

The Star Spangled Banner Revisited

Washington Post Op-Ed Columnist Michael Kinsley requires a gentle reminder. A reminder from an act of bravery that happened not more than a 50-Minute drive up on I-95, from where he so comfortably sits. You see, he deems our National Anthem to be an obsolete embarrassment were, and I quote:

"home of the brave" is empty bravado. There is nothing in the American myth (let alone reality) to suggest that we are braver than anyone else.

He goes on:

No, "The Star-Spangled Banner" has got to go. The only question is, What should
replace it? Here we have an embarrassment of riches.

And finally concludes:

How about Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA"? A bit dark for a national anthem, I suppose. The Shaker hymn "Simple Gifts" (turned by Aaron Copland into a theme in "Appalachian Spring")? Have I left out your favorite? Nominations are welcome. Anything would be better than those "bombs bursting in air."

Well Mr. Kinsley, please take 10 Minutes of your precious time, and get yourself reacquainted with that which so many of us hold so dear.

And if that is not good enough for you, Mr. Kinsley just go down to Texas. For there’s a group of teenaged girls down there that can teach you a thing or two about respect for our nation.


Thursday, June 11, 2009


We have all heard David Letterman’s cheap attempt at comedy this week, in which he took some insulting cheap-shots at Sarah Palin and her family.

Behind this feeble attempt at comedy, is a virulent desire to politically assassinate her and anyone in her political camp. She stands for Family, The Right to Life, The 2nd Amendment, Religious Rights, and lately Children with Disabilities. All of which are anathema to Left Wing Nutjobs like him. From their point of view, anyone like her has to be brought down a notch or two.

Thus, his scurrilous attack on her impugned “savagery to animals”, "lack of intellect”, "racial intolerance", and “sexual promiscuity” of not only her but her underage daughter, is a direct political attack – An attack not only to her, but to all whom share her core beliefs and values.

Well, this got me thinking. There was a time in our country in which such an attack to one’s reputation and integrity would warrant a challenge to the dueling field.

Now, what if we all send Letterman a message to STOP IT – A sort of push-back on the Left’s assault on the Right, which he by his words, leads? In the days of old whenever someone offended another's honor, the offended party would take off his Gauntlet, and throw it to the offender. The offended party would then demand an apology, retraction and redress of his original insult.

I am by no means suggesting nor encouraging for anyone to challenge Letterman to a duel; nor to physically threaten him with bodily harm. This would at the very least be a direct violation of Sections 730 – 737, Article 72 of State of New York Penal Code; and would most likely be a violation to obscure Postal Regulations, and other sundry local laws in the jurisdiction where you live. I will be the first one to openly decry such stupid counter-action.

What I am asking is for everyone to send Letterman a spare glove that you may have (most of us have mismatched gloves lying around), and include a note which goes something to this effect:

Mr. Letterman,

By wantonly ascribing the behavior of Sarah Palin and her underage daughter to that of common harlots, you have insulted the honour and reputation of our ladies and our daughters. We hereby demand that you make a formal public apology to Mrs. Palin and her family. Nothing less would have our honour redressed and satisfied.

Respectfully yours,

(your name)

His address is:
Mr.David Letterman
1697 Broadway
Suite 907
New York, NY 10019-5900

You may think this to be a silly suggestion. However, if you deem this a worthwhile social experiment in political push-back, please forward it to your blogfriends, tweets, or anyone within earshot. I am sure that a couple hundred gloves clogging Mr. Letterman’s Mail Room will get his attention. Maybe we could all together make a difference.