Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Chirp Of Crickets

Last night, our Commander in Chief delivered his address to the nation, on our new strategy on Afghanistan. I will not delve into the details of it, nor what I personally think of it at this moment. I just noticed the peculiar silence coming from his captive live audience.

As the German publication Der Spiegel reports:

Just minutes before the president took the stage inside Eisenhower Hall, the gathered cadets were asked to respond "enthusiastically" to the speech. But it didn't help: The soldiers' reception was cool.

Maybe the academic rigors, had the corps of cadets focused on their immediate studies?

Or could it just be that Obama was just plain boring?


Friday, November 27, 2009

Be Thankful to ME

OK - The good will that I felt for this day has taken a temporary stumble. Compare and contrast the Thanksgiving Address to the Nation by our 44th President.

... And that of our 40th.

Instead of being thankful to God, the source of all the bounty and freedom that we enjoy, Obama makes no direct mention of him (only a cursory slip at the end), and makes it all about himself and his designs on our blessed country.

I didn't want to be angry in this solemn day, but now I am.


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

For Him, I Shall Make An Exception

I normally, am not a "let 'em fry" supporter of capital punishment. Tonight however, I am going to make an exception; for at 2100hrs EST, John K. Muhammad will meet the sentence that his peers metted for him in the state of Virginia. As someone who lived through those two weeks of terror, this punishment if befitting his ugly deeds.

I remember pressure-cooker feeling that was sensed by all during those dark days. And I also remember the dark humor that we used to cope with this. Living in College Park and working in Gaithersburg Md., I had to commute twice a day right through his shooting gallery. Going back and forth through the roads of Montgomery County, I remember how all of the filling stations would be deserted. However, we all would wait for the radio report on the next shooting.

All of the sudden, the AM station would break-in with the sad news of a shooting in Virginia. Then , at once everyone would pull-into the nearest gas station and fill-up. "The crazy bassi'd got his jones-off for the day" And besides, he's way off across the river to harm us. A twenty minute hustle and bustle would ensue to get your errands done, and then back to the "pressure-cooker" hunker-in-the-bunker feeling.

May a special dark crevice in the deepest ring of Hades await for you tonight, John K. Muhammed.


Thursday, September 24, 2009

How To Legally Skim Public Funds In 6 Easy Steps

Little Tykes and Union Thugs are two terms that should never be said in the same breath of air. Yet, that is exactly what is happening in the Democratic controlled state of Michigan. It seems that AFCME and the UAW have found a back-door way to "unionize" privately owned daycare centers across their state.

This is how it works:

1) Have the Democratic Held State Government create a shell corporation by which all childcare subsidy payments are funneled and distributed to home-based daycare centers,

2) By virtue of receiving subsidy payments, declare these private babysitters to be "state employees",

3) Run a unpublicized Unionization Drive of hand-picked babysitters, throughout the state (most certainly targeting spouses of UAW workers which run daycare centers - and the like),

4) Present the "Unionization Votes" to the Democraticly-held State shell company for ratification,

5) Declare all Home Day Care Centers in the State Unionized,

6) Start the Shake-Down; Garnish Deduct "Union Dues" through the subsidy check payments, prior to disbursement to the babysitters.

You's Gotta Problem Wit Dat?


Thursday, August 6, 2009

Fashion Tips From Congress

My Senator, Senator Barbara Boxer HER HIGHNESS, is offended by smartly dressed constituents. As a young kid, I learnt that you always projected pride and self-respect on to yourself and all that you do by wearing the attire proper to the venue.

You dress down to do yard-work .

And you dress up when meeting your congress critter or other person of importance. Notice the smartly dressed crowd of Obamabots.

What? Would it be easier for her to demonize anyone who questions her if we all wore WifeBeaters to the next Town-Hall Meeting?

...Then again, better not forget your Brooks Brothers duds when you go. It really torques them off if you don't


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Snitches Get Stitches


I am very disturbed today. has just issued an appeal for the general public to snitch on their fellow man. It reads:

There is a lot of disinformation about health insurance reform out there, spanning from control of personal finances to end of life care. These rumors often travel just below the surface via chain emails or through casual conversation. Since we can’t keep track of all of them here at the White House, we’re asking for your help. If you get an email or see something on the web about health insurance reform that seems fishy, send it to (Emphasis mine)

Fishy! How dare you Mr. Phillips, ask my fellow Americans to snitch on me, just because I dare go counter to your Socialist Designs on my country. Excuse the HELCK out of me for pointing out what is stated in black and white for anyone to see. Section 102 of HR 3200 Spells-out the end of private health insurance in my country. It just happened that you got it buried deep inside your thousand page document so no one would see it.

Which brings us to this gem:

Ms. Goebbels Linda Douglass, I call you a liar and disinformer of the first order. Harmonise what's stated in Section 102, with your parroted bilge and tell me who's lying.

One last thing Mr. Phillips, In the D.C. Metro Region is not unsusual to hear the saying: Snitches Get Stitches. Why is the White House encouraging Snitching on its honest citizens? Are you trying to intimidate me out of my First Ammendment rights?


Saturday, July 25, 2009

Lies of a Lying Liar

Much flapping of the gums are being spent, on “America’s Affordable Healthcare Act of 2009”, AKA HR 3200.

Our President repeatedly tells us:” If you like your current insurance, you keep that insurance. Period – End of Story”. (1:19) on video. If that is so, how in the helk do you justify Section 102 of HR 3200? Section 102 spells out the end of private insurance in our country (to use our President’s words) Period – End of Story!

Talk about Orwellian. Section 102 is titled: Protecting The Choice To Keep Current Coverage. Subsection (a)(1)(A) clearly states that no new private policies will be underwritten from the moment this law comes into effect. It reads:


(A) IN GENERAL- Except as provided in this paragraph, the individual health insurance issuer offering such coverage does not enroll any individual in such coverage if the first effective date of coverage is on or after the first day of Y1.

…And here comes the death-blow: Subsection (b)(1)(A) clearly states that after five years all remaining private insurance plans must meet government mandated standards – Which is an impossibility because it freezes premiums while mandating unlimited coverage for all sorts of services.


(A) IN GENERAL- The Commissioner shall establish a grace period whereby, for plan years beginning after the end of the 5-year period beginning with Y1, an employment-based health plan in operation as of the day before the first day of Y1 must meet the same requirements as apply to a qualified health benefits plan under section 101, including the essential benefit package requirement under section 121.

So, as no new private policies are issued attrition will cull a vast number of citizens into the government plan in the next four years. On the fifth year, all private insurance companies will fold down their tents. The remaining lucky few that held on to private insurance will join the Borg Collective then.

Don’t lie to us, Mr. President. DON’T LIE.


Friday, July 24, 2009

Flipping on Crack

A Crack in my Windshield, I Had. And this morning, while taking my car to repair this offending spidering welt, weird voices came from its radio. The Nation’s Minimum Wage went up today to $7.25/hour, the voices said in unison. Some praised, the need for Burger Flippers to get a living wage. Others castigated it for limiting the numbers of new Burger Flippers to be added to our Nation’s Economy.

A Crack and Flippers. Great – They’ve all Flipped-out on Crack. Don’t they all know that raising the minimum wage has nothing to do with Burger Flippers, and all to do with padding the pockets of the Labor Unions? You see, most labor wage contracts are predicated on the Minimum Wage as a factor upon which the pay scale is based on.

Say, the United Auto Workers set their wages as a factor of “X” times the Minimum Wage. For example let’s say that they get paid 2.5 times over the Minimum Wage. Minimum Wage is raised from $5.00 to $6.00

Old Wage: 2.5x5.00=$12.50
New Wage: 2.5x6.00=$15.00

But here’s the kicker, thanks to the magic of multiplying factors, a raise in Minimum Wage leverages the pay-raise for Union Workers. Under this scenario, our government has mandated that their pocket liners labor union members are all mandated an additional $2.50 raise from private industry, for every dollar Minimum Wage raised.

And that’s what has me Flipping on my Crack. In this economy, the cost of labor has just shut-up for everyone wishing to hire someone. With real unemployment close to 15%, do not expect for companies help bring it down anytime soon.


Thursday, July 23, 2009

Malathion Truck

Malathion is great stuff. Granted I only in extreme circumstances, like when my tomatoes are covered stem to root in aphids. One application an all them bugs are gone.

Back where I grew-up, the Aedes Aegyptis was our state bird. During the rain season, dusks would be heralded by the high pitched hizzing sound of the city's Malathion Truck. This sonorous fanfare, would be segued by the Alto-Soprano tones of home-makers up and down the road: "OPEN THE WINDOWS - OPEN THE WINDOWS. THE TRUCK's COMING"!!! ***hizzzz***A rush - Doors would slam open, hand-cranks of shutter windows would furiously whirl, as if every house got ready to take in a deep cleansing breath. ***hizzzzzz*** We kids would drop everything and rush to the street, in excited anticipation of the praesaged hizzing cloud. ***HEEEZZZZZZZZ*** "Here it comes, its rounding the bend" someone would exclaim, as the first sweet-smelling whiffs would reach us. ***HEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*** All of a sudden our world became a noisy and fragrant white cloud. ***heeezzzzz*** Alas, The Malathion Truck went as it came; bringing white clouds of relief to all who lived on our little corner of the world. ***hizzz*** 'Till tomorrow Malathion Truck, 'till tomorrow. I do miss running behind that malathion truck.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Ticks on a Hog

No wonder we are broke. The recently retired fire chief Pete Nowicki, of the Orinda-Moraga Fire District is drawing an annual pension of $241,000.00 not only for the rest of his natural life, but the natural life of his direct survivors. On top of that he is drawing a $176,000.00 as a consultant to the fire district he just stopped directing. The total draw from the people of California is: $417,000.00 per year. And that’s not including health care and other sundry perks.

Not a bad gig if you can get it; but for us taxpayers the sad part is that like Mr. Norwicki, there are many more like him that suckle from this Public Hog.

Read the full article HERE.


Monday, July 13, 2009

Scorched Earth

Our President is intent on having someone’s head on a platter – Someone from the previous administration who will most certainly pay for the Evieeel McBushitler-Cheney’s “War Crimes” committed against humanity. Last weekend President Obama STATED:

(I have) ordered a probe into attempts to quash an investigation into the mass execution of Taliban prisoners in Afghanistan.

Why, I ask our President want to dig-up events in the early part of this Global War on Terror Contingency Eventuality on Tuggy Feelings? I remember clearly that this early phase of the War was tasked to both The CIA and SOCOM. Does ‘Bammy want to hang by the “brass danglies” someone in the Pentagon or Langley - George J. Tenet or Rumsfeld perhaps?

The article continues:

The New York Times reported Friday that top officials from the previous administration of president George W. Bush discouraged separate probes by the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the State Department and the Pentagon.

They wanted to hush up the killing of up to 2,000 prisoners in 2001 because it was carried out by the forces of General Abdul Rashid Dostam, an Afghan warlord then on the Central Intelligence Agency's payroll, it said….

Ah – “Top Officials” … So it’s someone even higher that they wanna excoriate. That would mean Condi Rice or… Oooooo UnkleDickie himself.

Oh yeah, it has to be Darth Cheney.

That is Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-IL), making evident her full displeasure of our former Vice President Cheney.

Or how about THIS other beauty, in her own hands? Scorched Earth Politics.

So, in accordance with her politics of personal destruction, how about this little picture of a Horse’s Arse attempting to goad the very same soldiers that she so much belittles?

I hate Scorched Earth Politics; but hear my words America. Some day, the Republicans will take back both branches of government. It may take four or maybe eight years.

If the Democrats decide to play scorched earth, they will rue the day the decided to go down this path.


Friday, July 10, 2009

Swamp Critters

Shortly, I shall be moving back to The Free State of Maryland – Land where I shall have my belly stuffed with Blue Crabs and Old Bay as often as I want. Pile-o-dead-crabs in my face, Yummm!

On the other hand, very soon every evening will be heralded by greeting clouds of hungry mosquitoes. That’s one thing I like about this here part of California: nary a blood-sucker in sight. And speaking of blood-sucking swamp critters, my new/old Representative in Congress will be Steny Hoyer (D-5th District MD). HERE he is spreading some kind of Seeds throughout my district. With a “smile”, I shall brace myself in rejoining that blue collective that is the 5th Congressional District of Maryland - As there is no chance in hell that it will turn even the slightest shade of purple any time soon.

If anything the District has an honest geographical definition covering most of Southern Maryland. It seems that Rep. Hoyer doesn’t need any Gerrymandering to keep being reelected.

Others are not so lucky. In making sure that Maryland keeps its blue allegiance, the State Legislature in Annapolis has done very creative work in carving-up the state to its self-serving advantage. Take for example the 8th Congressional District. For many years, THIS was Connie Morella’s District (R-8th District MD) – A nicely compact district comprising most of Montgomery County and highlighted in yellow. In the 2001 redistricting, Montgomery County was carved-up in two. Annapolis, added heavily Democrat Takoma Park and Hyattsville, and took away marginally Republican upper northeast Montgomery County. As a result Connie Morella lost her Republican seat, and you now have these two districtmanic beauties.

Chris Van Hollen’s (D-MD) Newly Defined 8th District, and Donna Edwards’ (D-MD) 4th District. I really “like” the look of her beastly-looking district. For Ms. Edwards’ Germantown, Olney and Fairland (Upper Silver Spring) are all marginally Republican, but lower density population. The lower lobe of her district (Prince George’s County) is heavily Democrat and high-density population.

But what takes the cake, is what the Democrats did to neutralize heavily Republican Baltimore, Anne Arundel, and Harford Counties.

Robert Erlich’s (R-MD) old 2nd District – Yes the first Republican Governor in over 40 years and partner with Lieutenant Governor Michael Steele, comprised of mostly heavily Republican Baltimore and Harford Counties. This district was “Ginsu-knifed” beyond recognition by splitting the heavily Democratic City of Baltimore with tatters of Baltimore, Anne Arundel and Harford Counties. The result: 2nd District is no longer Republican, and you have these two other beastly-looking Salamanders. Maryland’s New 2nd District, and John Sarbanes' (Old Senator Sarbanes' diddle boy) Maryland’s New 3rd District. Beautiful!

What I wish would happen for Maryland and for many other states, is for them to adopt the Iowa Legislative Redistricting Process. Up until the 1960’s Iowa suffered from similar district Gerrymandering by their “Swamp-Critters” in Des Moines. That was until, they decided to put the fate of redistricting in the hands of technical geeks. Their Redistricting Commission is comprised of Non-partisan Statisticians and Demographers, completely isolated from political pressures and manipulations. Ever since 1970, they redistrict their legislature in absolutely statistically neutral boundaries. As a result the seats, for both their State Legislature and Federal Congressmen are hotly contested every election. Thus, they have heavy turnaround and not many career politicians (Senators Harkin (D-IA) and Grassley (R-IA) not withstanding). As a result, their current Congressional Districts look like THIS.

Oh well, into the Swampland I go.


Thursday, July 2, 2009

Caballeros si Hay!


Whenever the general American public hears the terms: Latin American Military and Coup d’état, this is what comes to mind:

But why? In short, we have collectively bought into Marxist propaganda of distortion and disinformation. You see, Marxists everywhere and in this case Leftists in Latin America HATE their Militaries because the Militaries are the only thing standing in their way towards their Socialist utopia. Because civilian political institutions are weak, The Military is the only effective stabilizing institution that they have. Remember, while the Militaries create order, Marxists thrive in chaos. A constant misinformation campaign upon their Militaries, has convinced us that the Military is composed of nothing but:

A) Bumbling amateurish fools, or
B) Thuggish greedy megalomaniacs.

Latin American Military institutions are by-in-large conservative professional in nature. Just like in the U.S. they pledge an oath to protect and defend their respective flags and constitutions – Not a particular individual. As a rule of thumb, Latin American civilian politicians whore themselves and the future of their countries with reckless abandon. As a matter of course, they routinely tear-up their constitutions. In Latin America, it is not The Supreme Court, nor Congress, but The Military that keeps the country in an even keel. Thus, whenever a particular civilian administration goes too far in assaulting their constitutions, reluctantly their Militaries raises-up in their (the constitutions’) defense.

There are exceptions to this rule of thumb. At times Militaries have been abusive and over-reaching. In 1948, the Costa Rican Military got itself entangled in a failed Coup which cost them their institutions themselves. As a result, Costa Rica abolished its Army, and their democracy became very stable. During the 1970’s the Military Juntas in Brazil and Argentina sent their countries into a hyperinflationary tailspin, as they vainly tried to hang-on to power. They flooded their countries with gobs of new money in a vain attempt to bail-out their cronies (sounds familiar?). How about Drug Dealing Noriega? And of course, who can’t forget The Falklands War. The Argentinean Junta crafted that ill begotten adventure in a last ditch effort. A Swan Song so to speak, in a vain attempt to rally the flagging support of their countrymen, into a patriotic war of liberation.

Those four terrible examples are the exception, not the rule of Latin American Military involvement in politics. Mostly however, they detest having to get themselves out of garrison, and take over the Capitol and Presidential Palace. In most cases, whenever there is a political crisis of some sort, a well placed grumble from the Casern is enough to set the politicians straight. If the politicians don’t take the hint however, they are forced to roll TANKS onto the streets.

The period of the late 1960’s and early 1970’s were truly dark for Latin America. While the U.S. was too self-focused in being defeated in Vietnam, Marxists throughout the region were busy spreading chaos everywhere. Leninists in agitated for revolution in Brazil. Maoist Urban Guerrillas were busy robbing banks, car and bus-bombing the streets of Buenos Aires and Montevideo. Their targeted kidnappings and assassinations were particularly brutal.

I wish that the general readers of this blog would understand Spanish, for this video details the Marxist atrocities in Argentina during that period. If anything, pictures speak for themselves.

Where do you think the Symbionese Liberation Army got its idea of kidnapping Patty Hearst from? “Lucky” for us here in the U.S. they were all amateurs. In Latin America, they were not.

With their nations in absolute chaos, Chile (in 1973) and Argentina (in 1976) saw Military Coups. The Military backlash was brutal. There are no other words for it. But brutal times require brutal remedies. The Militaries cast wide and deep nets, in an aggressive effort to stamp-out every single communist in their countries. As a result both the hard-core Marxist Guerrilla and people tangentially sympathetic to their cause were caught and executed. Tens of thousands were “disappeared”, simply erased from the face of this earth. Today, the liberal media remembers only the “Innocent” disappeared. But not the CARNAGE that these “Angels” all, left in the streets of Buenos Aires.

But it is because Pinochet in Chile and the Junta in Argentina, that we now have stable prosperous democracies in these countries. After the convulsions of violence, order and structure were restored. It came to either that right-winged backlash, or PolPot regimes all throughout the region?

Which brings me to HONDURAS:
Last week, the Honduran Military had enough of President Zelaya’s machinations. Zelaya wanted to carbon copy Chávez’s playbook, and turn Hondurans into a Socialist nation. He first wanted to rewrite its constitution, and convene a constitutional assembly all composed of its cronies. However, according to the current constitution this power to convene a constitutional assembly resides in their Congress, not the President. Zelaya, undaunted decided to carry out a national referendum against the Congress wishes, and against a restraining order by their Supreme Court. Given that the Honduran Electoral Commission didn’t go along with this scheme, Chávez, his buddy in Venezuela, sent Zelaya all required voting materials for this referendum. Furthermore, the Supreme Court in its findings, ordered the Military not to act in support of this referendum. The Honduran Chief of Staff, General Velázquez informed President Zelaya that they would have to comply with the Supreme Court’s order. In turn Zelaya fired the general on the spot. The Supreme Court, then ordered President Zelaya to reinstate the General, as he was acting according to the orders of the Supreme Court. The President refused.

Upon this, and on the night prior to the referendum, The Military acted in defense of the constitution. They roused-up the President in his jammies, and booted him on a plane to Costa Rica, while still in his fuzzy pink slippers. The military immediately handed over power to the Leader of Congress, Roberto Milichetti. The Honduran Constitutions requires that in case of incapacity or vacancy of the Presidency, the Leader of Congress is to vacate his post in Congress and assume the Executive Powers. I am sure that the Honduran Military didn’t require any more incentive, than looking at the Venezuelan Military’s new Motto: Patria, Socialismo, o Muerte. (Country, Socialism, or Death). Sure, they wouldn’t mind putting their lives for the cause of their country, but for Socialism, NO WAY

THIS is straight from the Venezuelan Army's Homepage

To this, all the usual suspects are squealing bloody murder. THIS is Zelaya sharing some skin with Chávez, while Ortega looks on quite droopy. (I once bumped into Daniel Ortega right in the middle of an AUSA annual meeting in Washington DC – I S*HIT YOU NOT) But that’s another story.

All the leftist government vociferously decried the Coup. The governments of El Salvador, Nicaragua, Ecuador, Bolivia, Cuba and Venezuela, made a united declaration stating that they would do all in their power to restore Zelaya back to power. Chávez even went so far as putting its Military in alert, stating that it would even intervene militarily to carry out Zelayas restoration to power. This is more as an empty saber-rattle, as Venezuela lacks the means to project power across the Caribbean to Honduras. But what they can do is destabilize Honduras through the land borders of El Salvador and Nicaragua. They have already frozen Honduran government accounts and closed-down all land border crossings. Not to be left behind, Obama has vociferously condemned the Coup also by stating

Now to be fair with President Obama, President Bush would issue a similar statement also. But Bush would publicly issue a Pro Forma statement of condemnation, and then turn and provide quiet support to the new government. President Obama on the other hand, is liable to going further and openly work to destabilize Honduras, as Venezuela and the other miscreants have pledged to do. That has me concerned.

This Coup in Honduras has stirred in me a few nagging questions: We in this country, have been blessed to have a government of laws and by laws. No matter how whacked-out our politicians may seem from time to time, the have not trampled gratuitously our Constitution. As such, our military has faithfully reported to the civilian governments. But what if someday our government rips-up our Constitution with reckless abandon? Will our military be forced to take remedial action and actively defend our Constitution against our civilian politicians? I hope that it never comes to that? But if it does, we will quickly find out that we aren’t that much different from those so-called Banana Republics that neighbor us in the South.

Where this will all end, I do not know. We just have to stay tuned to see what comes out of this.


Wednesday, June 24, 2009


A Tongue and Cheek Suggestion:

For the past two days, the web has been all over the sudden disappearance of Gov. Sanford. Was he hiking The Appalachia? Was he dancing under the Moonbeams of the Summer Solstice? Was he nefariously conspiring with The Venezuelan Dictator? Nah:

Oh well sometimes the answer is a bit more “pedestrian”. But does this mean the end of his political career? Not really. Since he went down on to Argentina, to apparently settle the matter of a conjugal peccadillo, I got the perfect medicine for him.

To rehabilitate his political career and expiate all of his sins, he needs to enter into a crash course in Gardel, as in Carlos Gardel. Most of you have no idea who Carlos Gardel was, but close to 80 years after his death he is still the voice and soul of Argentina – Resting place of his paramorious desires. Whether you are aware of him or not, even in Middle America you have certainly heard him sing at one time or another. He still is THAT big.

He should first start by singing Cuesta Abajo (Downward Slope):

Queue in the Sultry Seductress (at 0:34)

After doing the self-flagellation circuit, and groveling to the American public for forgiveness, he could then change his tune. Volver (To Return):

… If Carlos Gardel seems a bit dated, how about putting Penélope Cruz to good use. She certainly can put a new face to this old song.

We all know how important it is for Republicans to *er* court the Hispanic vote. Finally, in Gov. Sanford the party has found a leader who truly loves Latins (well, at least one, that we know of).

With Volver as his 2012 Presidential Campaign Theme Song, he could certainly mount lock-in the Hispanic Vote.


Thursday, June 18, 2009


We all know what a Sit-in is. Britannica Online defines that peaceful form of social protest as:

a tactic of nonviolent civil disobedience. The demonstrators enter a business or a public place and remain seated until forcibly evicted or until their grievances are answered.

But, what is a Turba? A Turba is not a polite female form of Turbo. It is however, a “Sit-In” on Turbo.

Latin American Communist Agitators everywhere have turned this once peaceful form of social protest, into open harassment, intimidation, and aggression crossing over to open violence. This is how Communists in the Southern part of this Hemisphere hamstring the silent majority into submission and compliance.

But you may ask yourself: What does that have to do with me? Well, get ready. With this new era of Change, Turbas are here to stay. It is now a tactic used in our Campuses, to muffle opposition.

If the word or Mr. Thompson is to be taken at face value, the local chapter of ACORN in Albany, NY, is using this bullying tactic against our lawmakers themselves. In other words, this is nothing but another method in achieving political domination.

Welcome to our new "normal" America. A place where Latin American styled "Turbas", will soon be common place on our soil. Learn its meaning, for Turbas is soon to enter our popular lexicon.


Saturday, June 13, 2009

La Politesse

Ah – La Politesse. You know how annoying the French can be – That je-ne-sais-quoi that gets under your skin and makes you want to drop-kick the French right into a gutter? Well, it doesn’t have to be that way. You just have to learn to love that very Parisian form of social jujitsu: La Politesse.

La Politesse is a tacit code of social conduct which demands politeness in all social situations (well almost). The French use it mostly to genuinely express kindness to others. It is what makes a bustling city like Paris function civilly and with decorum. Without it, Paris would have all the charm of The South Bronx. [Warning: Strong Language] In France a humble: “excusez-moi, madame” will go a long way in winning friends and gaining respect.

La Politesse is also used in situations where every fibre of your being wants to throttle the neck your fellow man, but you don’t. It keeps and resolves confrontations before they turn ugly and violent (for the most part). The French do not like direct confrontation. Instead they prefer to attack the resistance to their problems and issues tangentially; in other words passive-aggressively. They still achieve their goals of smacking some one down, or overcoming a bureaucratic obstacle, but without all the nastiness and overt drama. Because of this the French are masters of irony, sarcasm, and double entendre. Once they break-down the resistance on their opponents, they can then deal directly and frankly with their issues (but always politely). The goal is to win people over to your side, without drawing blood.

On occasion, the French will become violent; but only when their opponent is waaay over bounds: physically violent, or egregiously insulting. They will also escalate to direct confrontation if while being polite, your opponent doesn’t get the point. They will however do so only after a final warning. It may go like: “Monsieur, it would be of bad form if I cast aside mon Politesse, to get my point through to you”. Then and only then if you don’t get the point, you will bring out the old Vercingetorix out of them.

While I do not know the direct sequence of these two pictures, one thing is clear. Both are being VERY aggressive to each other. But because of the skills that "La Politesse" allows you to have, Carla Bruni comes out of that clash smelling like roses. Michelle Obama, on the other hand looks like a stinking fool.

Americans always prefer the direct confrontation to resolve conflicts. But it is very clear by these pictures, that the French indirect approach works best in high visibility situations such as this.

[TINS Alert]
Happy Politesse:
Back in May of ’06 my wife and I went to a seafood restaurant in Paris. As we were leaving, I thanked the Maître d' for an excellent service, and wonderful dinner. Though customary to do in France, this I did with full honesty, and appreciation. This made the Maître d' was glow with pride – the magic of La Politesse at work. As I was about to conclude, this local couple walks into the foyer of the restaurant. The gentleman seizes us up with a flick of the upper lip and scrunch of his nose. He then gruffly demands to the Maître d': “Hey, when are we gonna get service here”?

*What a rude Mudder Fökk’n Apsehole - You don’t treat us like Crotte de Chien.* - I said to my self.

Aggressive Politesse:
Though we weren’t dressed like two Americans out of EuroDisney, my French is heavily accented. It was clear to all, that I wasn’t neither Parisian, nor (perish the thought) French. To the French ear I was probably either from Spain or Italy; though my wife screamed “American” to the trained eye. That rude SOB just thought that he could bully this pair of tourists out of his way

*I will cede this foyer when I’m good and ready*

I then turn my back to the rude bassid, and now obsequiously sucked-up to the Maître d'. I complimented the chef on those fresh water Anchovy Carpaccio Appetizer (they were really stupendous). Both the Maître d' and the rude SOB immediately picked-up on this for what it was: Aggressive Politesse. I thanked him once again, and then turned to the rude couple. The Maître d' now tensed-up a bit, not knowing whether I would turn ugly and rude back to the bassid.

“Madame” I said addressing the lady.
“Monsieur” I now slightly bowed to the rude one.
And with a note of acid sarcasm I said:
“I wish you both a Bon Appétit”.

*ZING – Back at you. And I hope you choke on a bone.*

The Maître d' immediately relaxed, as La Politesse was safeguarded toujours.

As we stepped back into the busy Boulevard, that fish in my belly tasted even better, for this ‘Rican got’s game.


Friday, June 12, 2009

The Star Spangled Banner Revisited

Washington Post Op-Ed Columnist Michael Kinsley requires a gentle reminder. A reminder from an act of bravery that happened not more than a 50-Minute drive up on I-95, from where he so comfortably sits. You see, he deems our National Anthem to be an obsolete embarrassment were, and I quote:

"home of the brave" is empty bravado. There is nothing in the American myth (let alone reality) to suggest that we are braver than anyone else.

He goes on:

No, "The Star-Spangled Banner" has got to go. The only question is, What should
replace it? Here we have an embarrassment of riches.

And finally concludes:

How about Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA"? A bit dark for a national anthem, I suppose. The Shaker hymn "Simple Gifts" (turned by Aaron Copland into a theme in "Appalachian Spring")? Have I left out your favorite? Nominations are welcome. Anything would be better than those "bombs bursting in air."

Well Mr. Kinsley, please take 10 Minutes of your precious time, and get yourself reacquainted with that which so many of us hold so dear.

And if that is not good enough for you, Mr. Kinsley just go down to Texas. For there’s a group of teenaged girls down there that can teach you a thing or two about respect for our nation.


Thursday, June 11, 2009


We have all heard David Letterman’s cheap attempt at comedy this week, in which he took some insulting cheap-shots at Sarah Palin and her family.

Behind this feeble attempt at comedy, is a virulent desire to politically assassinate her and anyone in her political camp. She stands for Family, The Right to Life, The 2nd Amendment, Religious Rights, and lately Children with Disabilities. All of which are anathema to Left Wing Nutjobs like him. From their point of view, anyone like her has to be brought down a notch or two.

Thus, his scurrilous attack on her impugned “savagery to animals”, "lack of intellect”, "racial intolerance", and “sexual promiscuity” of not only her but her underage daughter, is a direct political attack – An attack not only to her, but to all whom share her core beliefs and values.

Well, this got me thinking. There was a time in our country in which such an attack to one’s reputation and integrity would warrant a challenge to the dueling field.

Now, what if we all send Letterman a message to STOP IT – A sort of push-back on the Left’s assault on the Right, which he by his words, leads? In the days of old whenever someone offended another's honor, the offended party would take off his Gauntlet, and throw it to the offender. The offended party would then demand an apology, retraction and redress of his original insult.

I am by no means suggesting nor encouraging for anyone to challenge Letterman to a duel; nor to physically threaten him with bodily harm. This would at the very least be a direct violation of Sections 730 – 737, Article 72 of State of New York Penal Code; and would most likely be a violation to obscure Postal Regulations, and other sundry local laws in the jurisdiction where you live. I will be the first one to openly decry such stupid counter-action.

What I am asking is for everyone to send Letterman a spare glove that you may have (most of us have mismatched gloves lying around), and include a note which goes something to this effect:

Mr. Letterman,

By wantonly ascribing the behavior of Sarah Palin and her underage daughter to that of common harlots, you have insulted the honour and reputation of our ladies and our daughters. We hereby demand that you make a formal public apology to Mrs. Palin and her family. Nothing less would have our honour redressed and satisfied.

Respectfully yours,

(your name)

His address is:
Mr.David Letterman
1697 Broadway
Suite 907
New York, NY 10019-5900

You may think this to be a silly suggestion. However, if you deem this a worthwhile social experiment in political push-back, please forward it to your blogfriends, tweets, or anyone within earshot. I am sure that a couple hundred gloves clogging Mr. Letterman’s Mail Room will get his attention. Maybe we could all together make a difference.